Christmas

Wednesday
Mistress Carina asked how my slut cock has been since I began wearing her ring... while it is working as intended, i.e. my submissiveness to her and desire to be femmed are both steadily increasing, I am finding it a little uncomfortable at night; without my asking Mistress then gave her permission for me to remove it each night and replace it each morning.

Mistress sent me a message this afternoon saying that "I keep wanting to call you my bitch - is that offensive?", my reply to which was immediate........ "no, not at all". What I didn't tell Mistress and on reflection perhaps should've done was that reading those few words filled me with an excitement I hadn't felt in a long time and that her even thinking of me in that way would be wonderful but to be actually addressed as her bitch would be SO good!!

I spent the remainder of the day wondering if and when Mistress might?

Thursday / Friday
With the holidays now having begun the house has been busier than normal and as a consequence Mistress and I've spent a great deal less time together.

It's at time like these, that while understanding the constraints real life can and probably always will impose on us, I can start to feel somehwat disillusioned as a lack of purpose sets in and the frustration of not being able to live as openly as I want or indeed feel a need to becomes at times unbearable.

That said my love of my Mistress and the knowledge that at some point in the not too distant future I'll be able to express myself again and serve her more openly, when that will be I've no idea but it will come around of that I'm certain.

Saturday
It may only have been in an msn message but reading these two small words gave me such an incredible lift today..........."cider bitch!"

A lift because I knew that by referring to me that way Mistress Carina was demonstrating an assertiveness that I'd not seen of late and was clearly in a more confident frame of mind, both of which pleased me immensely.

Sunday
I'm still giving thought as to how best to demonstrate my devotion to my Mistress (as Miss D suggested I do) and while I've yet to decide I do at least now have a number of ideas; the most recent addition to my list of possibilities is a piercing, which given my phobia for needles and having found the perfect nipple bar is certainly worthy of further consideration..... unlike a tattoo.

Monday
I woke this morning to find that Miss D's had been kind enough to comment on my last entry and had again posed two very pertinent questions ..... "I wonder what would cause all those men to be in such a frenzied sexual condition? Would it be slut suzy using her mouth and hands to coax the cum from these men? Or are the men put in this state by something Mistress is doing? Maybe it's both - suzy... What do you think?"

It's most definitely both Miss D, of that I have no doubt. Only Mistress Carina has the ability to free me so totally of any inhibitions I might harbor and having been drawn so expertly into that state of mind all I'm ever concerned with is pleasing her.

So while I may well be using my own lips and fingers to get every last drop of cum for myself I'd be doing so to please Mistress, who I've no doubt would derive a great deal of pleasure from watching her slut wife opening her mind up and respond by encouraging me to do so even more.

To say that Mistress Carina is expert at opening my mind up would be an understatement, she has an ability to do so that is quite simply amazing. Her skill at probing the deepest, darkest corners of my mind and stripping away layer after layer of inhibition is breathtaking.

And it would seem the more she does and the more open I become the more enjoyment she derives from it, which relaxes me further still and sees me become even more responsive to her.

How far and by what means she's able to take me only time will tell.

Tuesday
When I retired last night I lie in bed determined to arouse myself, then to drift off to sleep with my slut cock erect and wake the next morning refreshed and motivated for another days service.

Determined to do so by thought alone I took myself back to the night Mistress Carina consumated our marriage and that moment I first felt her hard rubber cock begin to penetrate me, which remains the most wonderful and symbolic event of my life so far; my sissy cock began to stiffen as I recalled kneeling at Mistress' feet and taking her into my mouth moments before she took me to her bed and made love to me.

With my eyes shut tight and fingers caressing my nipples I began to drift even deeper into fantasy land; Mistress was standing in front of me, gently stroking my face as she teased me with her words... "How's my bitch today, do you like being Mistress' bitch suzy, does it make that slut cock of yours hard just to hear Mistress calling you that.... my bitch.... my submissive little bitch?!"

"It does Mistress, I mean I do Mistress........"

"Of course it does bitch, you fucking love it when I call you that don't you..... bitch?!"

It felt so so good to have Mistress deride me like that, her face was only inches from mine as she reached down to feel the effect of her words..... "Mistress' bitch IS hard, isn't she...... bitch!"

And I was. Mistress was teasing the hell out of me and I was harder than ever, I felt more submissive than ever, I'd only ever cum once without any physical contact and was sure that I was about to again; I wanted her to go on but at the same time to stop, I wanted to feel like this always but what I didn't want to do at any cost was to cum now, embarrass myself and spoil Mistress' enjoyment. Or was that what she intended from the start, to demonstrate her absolute power over me by making me cum using only her words?

Wednesday

I was as aroused this morning as I was when I eventually got to sleep last night, so much so I found it difficult to replace Mistress' ring.... proof in itself that I'd been a good girl and not cum!

And I was a good girl for Mistress while out shopping today too, by resisting the urge and not treating myself to the black knee length skirt that caught my eye or the white blouse that would've gone perfectly with it; as much as I'd like to provide Mistress with a more complete secretarial service I've yet to buy the hobble dress she's chosen for me.

As I write these last few words it's Christmas Eve, there's snow on the ground and Mistress Carina is sound asleep in the warmth of her bed.... what better way for a day to draw to a close could there possibly be?

T & D

Thursday 10th December
Mistress Carina complimented me on yesterday's post this morning, presumably for it's accuracy as one thing I never do is embelish anything. I simply record events to the best of my ability and my thoughts as honestly as I can, while it may not always result in a gripping read it is nonetheless truthful.

Mistress' feedback is really important to me as ultimately it's her that I write for so her kind words have put a smile on my face, got my day off to the best start possible and having looked again at what I wrote my head's once more swimming with thoughts of being aroused and denied which refuse to go away.

I'm still undecided as to how best I can show my devotion to Mistress (as Miss D has suggested I do) in return for her choosing the hobble dress for me, I do though have some ideas that are worthy of further thought.

It's now evening and it's not got any easier, all I can think about is how much more aroused Mistress Carina can make me than I can myself and how quickly she's able to render me that way?

That and the vast range of stimuli Mistress possesses, something I'm certain she's yet to fully realise; through a simple gesture, a word or two and even a look Mistress is able to induce an immediate state of arousal in me that very often she's blissfully unaware of.... all of which is testament to her training of me and my absolute submission to her.

Friday
Awoke to find that Miss D had commented twice on my blog overnight which as always I'm extremely grateful to her for as I am for the question she posed for me:-

'How often does suzy think about being left dripping cum after several men have had their way with her?'

The honest answer to which is - and I'm mindful of the saying "be careful what you wish for" when I say this - on each and every occasion that I'm fully aroused Miss D, that state of mind which Mistress Carina alone is capable of inducing and which sees all inhibitions melt away in an moment.

My most recurring fantasy is being en femme at a party, standing at Mistress' side and hear her inviting a man to cum over my nylon clad legs, which he does closely followed by another and then another until I'm drenched.... after I've thanked them for using me Mistress turns to me and says "good girl suzy!".

While I'm no psychologist I believe it's a symbolic demonstration of my total submission and devotion to my Mistress, by allowing myself to be used in that way I'm proving to her beyond any doubt that as her wife I'm prepared to do absolutely anything that pleases her.

Saturday / Sunday
I was away at the weekend visiting family and missed Mistress Carina more than ever, due I'm sure to my having enjoyed being in her service so much the past few days and wanting it to continue uninterrupted; while accepting that life can't always be how you'd like it to be and that circumstances will often dictate periods of abstinence it is still something that I find very frustrating.

Monday
The new slightly more assertive me stepped out of my comfort zone this morning and ordered a Gates of Hell cock ring in leather and rubber, which post permitting should be arrive tomorrow.

My hope is that Mistress Carina will permit me to wear it for her 24/7 to ensure that the slightest hint of arousal will develop into a full, painful and frustrating erection that will serve as a reminder of my continued denial and at the same time enhance my compliance.

After shopping and cooking the evening was spent on this blog and reading others of a similar nature that I find interesting, informative or in some way inspiring; when I next get the time I'll go over the links list on my own page and make sure that they're current and all those of interest are included.

Tuesday
Mistress chose to remain in her bedroom all of yesterday and leave the running of the house to her wife, who revelled at the opportunity to demonstrate just how obedient and attentive she's become; absence as the saying goes makes the heart grow fonder and I'm sure that the little time we spent together will prove to have been a good thing.

The only thing occupying my mind this morning is the package I'm expecting and how Mistress Carina will react when she learns of it?

Wednesday
I emailed Mistress telling her what I'd done, explaining my reasons and asking her permission to wear it for her.... before it arrived she acceeded to my request and as I type this the base of my partially aroused slut cock is being squeezed by a soft rubber ring that's slowly tightening itself around me.... reminding me that I'm being denied by the one I love most.

So ends another week in service, seven more days of denial and a lifetime of the same to look forward to.

Mistress Carina asked me if I'd been a good girl for her and this week I have been..... a very good girl indeed x

Guidance

Thursday 3rd December
I sent Mistress an email today seeking her guidance in a number of areas and clarification of some her rules, while I became increasingly nervous with every letter I typed it was an opportunity for me to show my initiative and improve communication between us, I can only hope that it's well received.

Friday
Mistress Carina replied to my email. I'm now allowed to buy my own clothes, make up and jewellery, to touch myself but not ever to cum without her permission and in future am simply to ask "may I get dressed Mistress?" should I wish to dress en femme.

Saturday
Having woken a lot earlier than was necessary (again) I took advantage of the quiet and composed a reply to Mistress' email thanking her for her guidance and asking for clarification of one or two details.

Sunday/Monday
I've spent most of yesterday and today day dreaming about the dress Mistress Carina's chosen for me, how soon it might be possible to buy it and how excited I'll be when I present myself to her wearing it for the very first time?!

That and looking forward to asking "may I get dressed Mistress", which irrespective of her reply will at the very least allow me an opportunity to show that I remembered the instruction. My one concern is that in the event that Mistress were to say yes I'd struggle horribly with my make up?

Tuesday
While the day may have begun uneventfully it certainly didn't end that way.

Mistress Carina sent me a message in the early afternoon asking if I'd been a good girl for her and had I touched myself since she'd permitted to? I replied that I had been a good girl but not touched myself, as the opportunity  to do so hadn't arisen. A little later Mistress asked "are you thinking about your slut cock suzy?" and when I said that I was began to tease me by sending me pictures that she knew would arouse me and get my slut cock nice and hard for her.

Becoming harder with each one that I looked at it wasn't long before I could sense my submissiveness begin to resurface along with an insatiable desire to be continually aroused and denied.

When the time came for us both to retire my reinvigorated female intuition told me that Mistress had plans to enjoy me in some way before the night was over and enjoy me she most certainly did!

After being made to beg to be allowed to wallow in her aroma Mistress instructed me to pleasure her clit with my tongue before sliding one and then two fingers inside her.

Whimpering like a whore and with a finger buried deep in my own sissy cunt as Mistress had ordered my submissiveness overtook me; I opened up to her in a way I'd not done before and began imagining myself being fucked, a real life cock pounding my slut cunt while Mistress Carina looked on and listened as I begged it to cum in me!

With all inhibitions now discarded I told Mistress how much I wanted a real cock inside me, not for her but for me and how I'd reach round to take hold of it and wank it off inside me and then another until I was so full of cum it'd be dripping out of me..... Mistress came and her forever obedient wife did just as she was told and licked every inch of her clean.

Then the teasing began.

Mistress stroked my slut cock with her hand making me harder still and desperate for release.... she closed her mouth around me, only to open it again at precisely the right moment to inflict maximum torment....  as she did moments later having wrapped her wonderfully warm and wet cunt all around me... I wanted to scream at the top of my voice and plead for release as Mistress edged me closer and closer to release before denying me again!

No doubt satisfied that her efforts would guarantee her wife's future compliance Mistress Carina then settled down quietly to sleep.

Wednesday
The events of last night find me with a heightened state of submissiveness this morning, a renewed enthusiasm for fulfilling my role and recalling how incredibly hard wearing a cock ring has made me in the past and how much longer it had kept me that way..... so hard that even the slightest of touches was excrutiatingly painful!

While a few rubber rings held together by a thin strip of leather may not look at all threatening it induces the hardest erections I've ever experienced and for what seems like an eternity.

Mistress Carina has one very similar, the largest ring is steel and the whole assembly is attached to a lead, locked away in her cupboard, the key for which she has quite rightly forbidden me to go anywhere near without her permission!

Staying with the theme of 'Tease and Denial' and how powerful a tool it is with which to keep a submissive in his or her place Miss D posted a comment overnight which she ended by posing a question, what can I do "that demonstrates how devoted you are to your Mistress? Think hard little slut...".

Thank you Miss D. I have indeed thought hard and as I write this I'm still undecided, what I am certain of is that my Mistress deserves nothing less from me, not least as I know how difficult she finds it to deny me release.

When I do decide it will be an act that proves beyond any shadow of a doubt that I am totally committed to her and will do anything to please her.

New Beginning

Tuesday 24th
Posted an entry to my blog remarking on how I've been suffering from a lack of confidence and a low self esteem.

Miss D very kindly took time to post a comment in response, suggesting that I may perhaps have been allowed release a little too often of late, that my thinking might be slipping back into 'male mode' as a consequence, that I might be retreating from my 'femme destiny' and suggesting that I should "take a moment and think about this"?

And think about I did, very soon reaching the conclusion that as always Miss D was spot on; the question now occupying my mind and which I'm sure will continue to do so for the forseeable future is 'what should I do about it?'

Wednesday 25th
My efforts throughout the day were concentrated towards ensuring that my Mistress, who remained unwell and in bed was kept as comfortable as possible; what little time I had to spare was spent giving further thought to Miss D's remarks,


Thursday 26th
Mistress seemed very down and not knowing precisely why I was becoming of increasingly concerned.

As if sensing my worry Mistress posted an entry to her blog explaining everything and included a poem she'd written describing her feelings, she was even lower than I'd imagined. I wrote a poem of my own in reply and posted it to her blog as a comment on hers, Mistress told me a little later than my words had made her cry.

I retired to my bed, Mistress Carina pleasured herself to orgasm with her fingers, having first made sure that I was awake and could hear every delicious and tantalising sound.

Friday 27th
Mistress asked if I'd enjoyed listening to her cum the night before, I said that I had and that listening to her had made my slut cock so very hard; I thanked her for allowing me such an intensely pleasurable experience and was told that as of I'm now being denied.

Later in the day Mistress sent me these pictures and a link to the online shop, which from past experiences I understood to mean that I was to purchase one in my size.

Despite absolutely loving every curve hugging inch of it I've not done so as yet; partly because funds are tight at present, because I need to be certain of my exact measurements and also as I'm not yet sure if Mistress Carina will be requiring the optional metal rings that lock the collar in place?

Saturday 28th
Mistress Carina had another restful day, to ensure she got an undisturbed night's sleep I spent last night in another room.

Sunday 29th
Mistress Carina's much needed and very much looked forward to night out with friends, which having recovered from her illness she's thankfully able to make.

I find being left behind at home under these circumstances strangely rewarding, which I can only presume is because of the role reversal it enforces upon me?

My parting words after I'd driven her to a friend's house were "have a wonderful evening Mistress", I drove off feeling satisfied in a way I'd not experienced before.

I took advantage of an evening on my own to think further on what Mistress Carina had said on Thursday, i.e. about 'not feeling like being a Mistress' and also the comments made by Miss D on my last blog entry.

The outcome of which is that I must become more assertive, exercise my initiative a lot more often and improve the communication between us.

With that in mind it's my intention to communicate with my Mistress both more often and more openly; she once told me that communication in any relationship is of paramount importance and as such the preferred method, e.g. email/text/spoken word, is of little relevance.

I also intend to act more on my initiative, thereby relieving Mistress Carina of much of the thought associated workload that her position can demand; uppermost in my mind is that the sole objective of the lifestyle we've chosen (and which led to me being taken as her wife) was and still is to make every aspect of her life as pleasant and as enjoyable as possible.

In general and while always remembering that Mistress has absolute control over me and the strict rules she insists I abide to I plan to become a great deal more assertive; I may find it uncomfortable at times but as Mistress herself often says "needs must suzy".

Lay awake after Mistress Carina arrived home hoping she might torment me once more by pleasuring herself, fell asleep disappointed but happy that Mistress was home safe and sound.

Monday 30th
Having rested for most of the weekend and had an enjoyable night out yesterday Mistress Carina seems to have overcome the worst of her illness and is thankfully now in much better spirits.

It's been a quiet day spent reflecting on my planned intentions to serve my Mistress better in the future - and of course dreaming of that hobble dress I might one day be lucky enough to present myself to her in.

Tuesday 1st December
A quiet day, until that is Mistress Carina pointed out my disrespect to Miss D by not yet having had the courtesy either to acknowledge or say thank you to her for her comments of a week ago, which needless to say I corrected immediately.

Before retiring I visited Miss D's blog and after casting a vote in her current poll (in favour of Sexy French Maid - black satin uniform) spent a few moments browsing, where this caught my attention:-

'Of course you need chastity, a needy gurl loves her femming - she thrives on it; the needier she gets, the more she embraces her femininity'

It's hard to imagine a more succinct statement that so accurately describes yours truly, how my own chastity sees me becoming increasingly in need of release and how that in turn drives not only my desire for femininity but also my submissiveness.

The moment that never ending cycle of arousal-denial-arousal-denial is established the need to be femmed is overwhelming and my transformation from suzy the reluctant housewife to totally submissive cock craving slut begging inside for release starts in earnest.

Wednesday 2nd
Awoke aroused, my head still full of arousal-denial-arousal-denial thoughts from last night; eventually managed to put them to one side and instead give thought to delivering my blog entry on time.

Relapse

Whatever it was struck Mistress Carina down last week has returned with a vengeance.

With no choice but to take to her bed once again all of my efforts are now focused on her wellbeing and comfort.

Get well soon Mistress xxx

Ruby Tuesdays**

It seems like a long time ago now, which is probably because it's just that.

Two weeks ago tomorrow found me in Mistress Carina’s bed once more with my one expectation being a good night’s sleep alongside her, so when she reached around to take hold of my partially erect cock and began feeding it inside herself it took a second or two for me come around to what was happening.

With Mistress’ juices bathing my now fully erect womanhood she began pleasuring herself with her fingers, slowly at first then progressively faster as her clit grew hard beneath her touch and the orgasm approached. Within just a few seconds I could feel her cunt muscles contract around me and gripping my entire length just that little bit harder as she seemed instinctively to prolong her use of me for as long as she could.

Her fingers pressing harder than ever on her clit and her wife’s cock embedded so very deep inside her Mistress came. And as her juices flowed freely from within her and trickled down over me I experienced once more that incredible feeling of satisfaction that’s only ever invoked when I’m used for her total and absolute pleasure.



While Mistress recovered I lie silent and still, fully expecting her to speak those immortal and dismissive words “turn over and go to sleep”, then translating them in my mind as I so often do to a harsher ‘clean me up bitch!’ or ‘say thank you then you fucking slut!’ as I’m put firmly back in my place.

Instead I was allowed the ultimate pleasure of staying precisely where I was and cumming inside my beloved Mistress’ gloriously soft and wet cunt.

Now while I don’t want to appear at all ungrateful this was one of those times when I would’ve have derived even more pleasure from being denied. There’s no greater feeling of self satisfaction than Mistress Carina using me for her pleasure and then simply discarding me, casting me aside as if I had no other purpose.

It feeds my submissiveness and reinforces her control of me in a way that nothing else can, more so even than a hard slap across the face or having my slut arse whipped raw.

So it was that I ended the day with mixed emotions, content in the knowledge that Mistress had orgasmed, that she'd seen fit to use me and that I’d been permitted release but also with a hint of frustration at not being reminded of her dominance by being denied or served with a reminder that it's she who's in control.

I woke the next morning to find myself as hard as I had been a few hours earlier and once again desperate for release; all I could think of as I climbed out of bed was how my Mistress might react if she were to wake later to find me dressed from head to toe as her slut, ready and more than willing than ever to serve her?

As always I was unsure and battled with that thought until Mistress awoke and the opportunity had once more passed me by.

This indecision on my part was fuelled by a general lack of confidence I’ve been experiencing of late, which has led to me feeling quite down on occasions and with a low self esteem; quite where it stems from I’ve no idea, what I do know is that it’s affecting my service of Mistress and for that reason alone it’s beginning to concern me more each day.

There was a time not so long ago when I felt I could converse with Mistress openly about everything, in recent weeks though that confidence has evaporated and I’ve become what I can only describe as ‘withdrawn’, not at all comfortable with myself and finding even the most basic communication very difficult.

Having thought about it endlessly what I need more than anything is something that’ll give my confidence a boost…. that and/or as Mistress would no doubt suggest a good hard fucking!


The following Sunday Mistress Carina fell ill with what appeared to be a flu bug of some kind and took to her bed, which while I hate to see her unwell provided me with an opportunity to show how capable I was of taking care of everything while at the same time looking after her as best I could.

I did my level best to make her as comfortable as possible and put her mind at rest by taking care of as much as I could around the house, which gave me a renewed sense of purpose for a few days at least.

The last thing on my mind for those few days was being rewarded in any way, all I was concerned about was Mistress Carina’s wellbeing and I can honestly say that not for one second did I think of myself.

So imagine my surprise on Tuesday when Mistress was feeling a little better and text me as I was about to retire to say and I quote, “You may cum in a stocking tonight for looking after me”.

I was speechless…for the first time ever that I could recall my Mistress was openly rewarding me for my service and I was excited at both her recognition of me and my impending and much needed release.

I settled down in my bed a few minutes later, closed my eyes, slid a black nylon stocking up over my arm and began stroking myself…..

imagining myself stood before Mistress Carina, my skirt pulled up and my nylon clad hand wrapped tight around my cock… “good girl Suzy, show your Mistress how you make yourself cum”… squeezing myself hard, wanking like a whore as my Mistress looked on…. “look at how hard you are!”….. my breath becoming faster and shallower….. “that’s it, make it lovely and hard, imagine how good it’s going to feel”….

pre cum beginning to seep through the shiny black material, Mistress replacing my hand with hers and while holding me even more tightly asking “tell me what you’re thinking Suzy”…. summoning up the confidence to answer honestly before replying “another slut Mistress, kneeling on the floor at her feet and sucking her cock, tasting her lovely warm cum on my tongue”…..

“Good girl… and what else?”…. “Pleasing you Mistress, fastening the straps of the face dildo you bought tight around my head and servicing your cunt while you lie in bed reading the news on your PDA….“and what else Suzy?”…. "a cock Mistress, fucking me hard and cumming inside me”….. "and what else?"......"Being encased in nylon Mistress and then wanked over until I'm drenched"........“good girl, you can cum”

….and with those words Mistress stood a little to one side of me and watched as I came for her, the cum spurting out of me and across the room where it came to rest on the floor ..... "lick it clean, every last drop!".... "yes Mistress".

I peeled the cum drenched nylon from my cock and as my breathing began to settle held it open, slid my foot inside and rolled it up over my leg; until now Mistress was unaware that her wife slept with a warm damp stocking covering a cleanly shaven leg that night.

Just as before I awoke the next morning aroused and could think of only one thing, slipping quietly into the bathroom to get dressed and made up as my Mistress’ whore; having the confidence to step into a pair of flesh coloured tights, sheer black nylons, suspender belt, maid uniform and my “fuck me” shoes before presenting myself to her for another days service.

Where my confidence has gone of late I really don’t know, in the not so distant past I’d regularly email Mistress Carina telling her how I was feeling (something that I know she’s always been keen to be kept aware of) and never once feel uneasy or embarrassed at opening myself up to her; now though I’m always doubtful as to how such an email might be received and invariably think better of it.

I’m sure it’s only a phase that I’m going through and any day now I’ll be back to my old self, brimming with self confidence and utterly shameless.

I do hope so.

Show Me*

I was taken completely by surprise on Sunday on one of those rare occasions when Mistress Carina had allowed me to share her bed, although as always this was purely for practical purposes.

Knowing my place and with Mistress ending her day as she generally does by using her PDA to catch up on the news I settled down to sleep, conscious as always that the slightest movement or noise on my part might disturb her.

This was one occasion when I needn’t have worried as after maybe three or four minutes and just as I was beginning to drift off I had the most wonderful surprise, unbeknown to me Mistress Carina had encased her arm in glorious nylon and leaning across me began stroking my chest.

And the effect on me was just incredible, before I’d even had time to assimilate what was happening my whole body had flexed, my breathing become completely random and my whole persona had changed. Mistress caressed my tits and told me how wonderful they were, pinched my nipples hard knowing full well that it’s the one thing guaranteed to bring her wife to an instant and complete state of arousal.

I could sense every inhibition I may have subconsciously held being very skilfully forced out of me until my submissive state was so utterly complete and Mistress’ wife was now her totally compliant whore!

When Mistress’ nylon covered fingers brushed my lips my mouth opened up for her, I drew them inside where I could suck on them, kiss them and lick them.... I could taste Mistress’ aroma and wanted to be gagged…. wanted her to soak it in her juices and push it to the back of my throat…. wanted her to fasten the ball gag around my head to make sure it stayed put and that her slut wife remained silent until morning.

My head was still floating when my Mistress removed the nylon from her own arm and began to slide it up over my own, then the other before ripping a hole in the tights she was using, pulling them down over my head and smoothing the nylon across my chest until my entire upper body was encased.
I can’t recall her exact words but they were along the lines of ‘show me how you make yourself feel good suzy, do whatever you want to’.

While I've never considered myself as being an exhibitionist whenever Mistress Carina encourages me to let go I enjoy every second in the knowledge that she's enjoying it as much if no more than I am myself, I can't say I'm 100% comfortable letting go just yet but I do feel as if I'm getting there slowly.

Lying on my back I caressed every inch of myself…. my face, legs, nipples, every part of me that I could reach while keeping my eyes firmly closed and allowing my mind to wander anywhere it cared to take me; I was oblivious to everything and open to anything.

“I want a cock Mistress……. wrapped in nylon and inside me!”

I was surprised at myself for uttering those words but at that precise moment I wanted just that… a lovely hard cock, lube soaked black nylon pulled tight along its entire throbbing length fucking me for all I was worth.

“I want it for you Mistress.

“No suzy, don’t want it for me, want it for yourself like I know you do”

Which proves beyond doubt that my Mistress knows me better than I know myself, I did want it for me and said so without the slightest hint of shame of embarrassment.

With months of pent up frustration to overcome I let myself go, shut myself off from the world around me and focused my mind solely on the moment, squeezing myself ever tighter and writhing on the sheet like a slut until I could bare it no longer, laid back and revelled in the sensations as I pumped myself dry. It was effortless, I simply lay there and experienced a release so intense and so powerful that I never thought it would end.

“Thank you Mistress”.
Silence, Mistress simply turned away and pleasured herself to what I can only imagine was an orgasm as intense and enjoyable as my own had been.

----------------------------------- o o 0 o o -----------------------------
Morning came and the only physical reminder of what had occurred the night before was a pair of ripped and cum soaked black tights.

Mentally the reminders were endless, something drug like had been stirred within me which refused to go away.

There was the wanting so badly to be gagged, the feel of the hard rubber ball being forced into my nylon filled mouth; my transformation from docile wife to out and out slut the very second I felt Mistress’ nylon clad fingers on my skin; how I’d longed to be encased from head to foot; what I’d said, that I wanted a cock in me and Mistress’ response which as always was so much closer to the truth.

I had to get up, out of bed and to work but I didn’t want to, I wanted to start this day differently.
Even as the morning wore on and the harsh reality of normality returned I could barely stay focused, every other second my mind would wander off somewhere else and no matter how hard I might try seemingly random thoughts continued to occupy my head.

Mistress Carina putting me to bed at night adorned with nipple clamps or gagged; how it’d feel and how I might look wearing sheer black nylons and suspender belt over a pair of light coloured tights.

Touching my first cock, using my fingers to make it hard and then watching as the cum splashes over my skirt; being seduced by another and more experienced TV while Mistress looks on encouragingly; riding Mistress’ hard rubber cock.

Those thoughts faded in time; I’d hoped they wouldn’t but as always everything was very soon back to normal and all I could think of was finding my next fix.

BNT

This is another of those times when I had it all planned out and find that the second I sit down my mind's completely blank, writer's block I think it's called?

As is so often the way after a week or two of business being 'quiet verging on dead' it's now completely the opposite with not enough hours in the day to keep up, at least that's how it feels.

Which is why I for one and I'm sure Mistress Carina is no different am really looking forward to this weekend and a chance to unwind, especially as next week's half term and the kids are on holiday.

Past experience has taught me not to build my expectations so I'm trying hard to do just that; I'd be lying though if I said that the frustration wasn't building.... it is, so in the event that Mistress does call on me to serve her in any way she may decide I'll be as ready and willing as any good wife should be.

It wasn't a conscious decision but Thursday's have become my regular bath night, Bath Night Thursday (BNT) I call it; it's the one occasion every week without fail that I emerge as smooth as I possibly can be ahead of the weekend.

It would be nice (understatement of the year!) to step out, dry off and indulge myself by slipping on a pair of nylons but I'm happy in the knowledge that I'm as prepared as I can be for service should I be called upon.

Symptoms

Not a great deal to report.

I'm back in my own bed as I suspected I would be by now and Mistress Carina has decreed that I'm to deep clean my kitchen to her own exacting standards once every week.

One thing that's become noticable to me recently is how long I'm able to survive reasonably comfortably without release when I have no sense of denial and how incredibly difficult it becomes when there is.

Like everything else psychological it's very difficult to explain so I won't even try, what I am able to do though is describe 'the symptoms'.

When I'm experiencing no sense of denial it's as if it's me that has the control and that I've simply opted for a period (the length of which I've yet to decide) of celibacy, there are still occasions when I want to experience release but it never seems great enough and feels more a simple 'want' than a desperate 'need'.

The second that this changes and it's clear that I'm being denied I'm in turmoil, the 'need' for release is all that occupies my mind and I'll do anything that Mistress might demand of me to be allowed to experience it; the more open about it Mistress is with me the more obvious the denial is and I reach desperation level far more quickly.

And the effect the introduction of denial has is like flicking a switch, there's no gradual change of mental state.... it's immediate!

Throw in the occasional subtle reminder and it very soon becomes unbearable and induces a state of mind so powerful that it's all I can think about.

Milestone

It's a temporary arrangement and for practical reasons only Mistress Carina is allowing me to share her bed at the moment, something that I've not done for any length of time for some months.

Of course it's an honour for me to lie beside her each night, to feel and hear her breath, to smell her perfume on the bed clothes and wake beside her each morning. What's very different this time around however is that any sense I may have had in the past of returning home or being back where I belong is noticeably absent, this space that I'm being permitted to occupy is now most definitely Mistress', more comfortable than my own it may be but it feels more like a hotel bed and no longer one that I could once call my own.

While that may come across as being all negative it isn't, far from it; with Mistress Carina having now firmly established this space as her own it's an even greater honour for me to be permitted to share it, albeit temporarily on this occasion, and reinforces her dominance of me. So much so in fact that I've actually begun to look forward to returning to my own place of rest, knowing that should I ever be summoned Mistress' words alone will ensure I arrive even more desperate to please and totally submissive to her.

As if it were possible this new mindset was instilled still further on Monday when Mistress allowed me to help her orgasm and once she had and had recovered immediately dismissed me. As I lay quietly beside her, my slut fingers and face drenched in her juices she said simply, "you can go to sleep now suzy".

I did just that.

But not before I'd spent some time reflecting on what had just taken place and how different it had felt, thinking forward to when I might be used and then sent away like this again and wondering how it would feel like now to lie in my own bed at night listening to Mistress Carina pleasuring herself, totally and very deliberately ignoring her wife?

And time spent focusing my mind on how incredibly hard I still was and how that in itself was clearly now something to be thankful for, all the while sensing Mistress' juices drying on my skin and enjoying the last few remnants of her amazing aroma.

Mistress' wife slept well on Monday, satisfied with her efforts and looking forward to a future that I sensed will be very different.

TV Licence

It won't help secure any disounts or get me in anywhere I wouldn't be able to access otherwise but it's good fun to have nonetheless....

... and it's free!

Second Photo

It's Wednesday or to be precise it's early'ish on Thursday, hopefully not too late to incur Mistress's wrath?

The response to the photo I posted has been amazing, not only here but also on Birch Place where my profile's been visited more than ever.

Wih little else to write about I thought I'd post another of the photos that Mistress Carina took of me that night and which she was kind enough to let me have copies of and serves as a further reminder of what took place.... and from my own perspective the level of contentment I now know I'm able to experience.

Mistress Carina as always is right, black underwear does suit me better!

And I need to think more about sun tanning, although that's probably now one for next year?

I do love those shoes!

They have a metal buckle ankle fastening that can never be too tight for me.

And to keep the balance, here's a photo that Mistress Carina didn't take.....

.... although I suspect that she would like to have done?

Voila!

There I was wondering how I was ever going to follow my last entry, after all it really was a very special and incredibly enjoyable night for us both, when low and behold Mistress Carina suprises me yet again by sending me a present.... copies of three of the photographs she took of me!

Needless to say they're all wonderful, this one though is that little bit special...

For me it's not only one that I've wanted for so long but it's probably also as good a photograph as I'm ever likely to see of myself and I'm really excited at being able to include it in my profile and show my face at long last, the remaining two I've decided to keep to myself for the time being and use them to illustrate a future post.


I know Mistress Carina is equally pleased with them, not only has she said as much but she's also happy for me to use them here and also remarked only yesterday as she looked at the one in my profile, "I'm loving your photo!"


And I'm loving it too Mistress..... thank you xxx

3am Eternal*

Two Sundays ago Mistress Carina spent a wonderfully relaxing day out in the countryside together, relaxing that is until the heavens opened and we were forced to seek refuge beneath a tree; twenty minutes later we were home, soaked through but happy nonetheless.

Having both changed into dry warm clothes we spent the next few hours sat in the kitchen talking, recalling the days events and a million and one other subjects.

I did my best to ensure the Mistress' wine glass was topped up when necessary and that she had a steady supply of cigarettes; the radio was on, the rain had ceased and as the week drew to a close we laughed, joked and had a really good time.

It had though been a very long day and while I could have stayed up a lot later I was growing tired and conscious that tomorrow (Monday) I'd be expected to be up for work at my usual time decided to retire.

"You'll go to bed when I say so suzy!"

"Yes Mistress"

Mistress' words came as something of a surprise, she'd not shown any of her dominant side all day and to surface as it did now through me completely off balance.... and served as a reminder that no matter how relaxed Mistress Carina might ever appear to be she remains in total control 24/7 and it's her alone that decides what's right for me.

A nervousness set in. Midnight was approaching and Mistress seemed more settled now than at any other time of the evening.. with a complete disregard for time or anything else, she was enjoying herself and quite rightly expected her wife to be there and attentive to her needs.

Minutes later Mistress Carina's demeanour changed, only slightly but enough for me to realise that I was right to have been nervous.

"Lock the door, go upstairs and get dressed"

My response was immediate, testament to Mistress Carina's training of me, "yes Mistress".

On the short walk up to the bedroom I grappled mentally with what I should wear or rather what I thought Mistress would like me to wear for her?

I should've know better, Mistress had already decided.... laid out at the foot of her bed were my nightdress, black pvc skirt, the ivory coloured knickers with detachable suspenders she'd recently bought for me and which I'd not worn before, a pair of opaque black stockings with sissy red bows and bright pink court shoes with 5" heels.

I dressed, savouring every tantalising second of the nylon stockings being pulled over first my toes then ankles and finally my cleanly shaven legs; with the suspender straps perfectly adjusted I returned downstairs to the kitchen and presented myself.

Having looked me over Mistress Carina gave an approving smile before ordering me back to the bedroom where I was also to take her wine, cigarettes and camera.

Camera?!

My response to any of Mistress' instruction now habiually unquestionable I said simply "Yes Mistress" and tottered off trying my level best to remain dignified and maintain my balance despite the height of my heels.

Inside I was trembling, taken aback by Mistress Carina's inclusion of the camera and wondering just what it was that she had planned for me.

When Mistress entered the room I was sat on the edge of her bed, arms by my side like a naughty child awaiting punishment.

Mistress walked to the corner of the room, returned with her make up bag and set to work.

Her demeanour had changed once again, she was relaxed yet at the same time totally focused on what she was doing, her artistic streak was evident and her manner so matter of fact anyone would've thought fixing her wife's make up was something that she did every day.

All I could do was sit quietly and let her weave her magic, looking this way and that as she worked on my eyes, saying nothing and marvelling at her attention to detail, reminding myself over and over again just how lucky I was to have a Mistress so skilled and understanding of me.

Her work complete Mistress stood back and smiled, clearly very pleased with what she'd accomplished, how I now looked for her. Mistress looked at me from every possible angle, all the while the smile on her face growing more intense as it became clear to her just how good a transformation she'd achieved.

"Wow" she exclaimed and stared at me for what seemed like an eternity before leaving the room and returning seconds later with a mirror.

Words failed me, it was incredible; I looked incredible and felt incredible, as if it were possible Mistress had surpassed herself, I really did look (and feel) quite amazing!

Such was my astonishment I thanked Mistress for making me up so many times I lost count.... "I could never do as well this myself Mistress".

"Oh you will suzy".

A reply that I wasn't expecting and one that I can quite clearly recall filled me with an excitement I'd not felt before, being able to apply my own make's a skill that I've always aspired to and while she may have made casual mention of it before I sensed now that Mistress Carina was being serious and really did intend to start teaching me how to one day soon.

As I sat there dreaming of the day when Mistress and I could both get ready for a night out together, sharing a dressing table and chatting about what to wear she appeared before me... with the camera.

Mistress first had me stand in a corner and told me to look back at her over my shoulder, "you're a slut remember suzy, look at me as if you want me".

The flash began to rebound off the walls.

"Take off your nightdress"

I was instructed to get on the bed, where I lay thinking only of what might lie ahead of me, "and your skirt"

Mistress Carina looked me over and seemingly still not happy with something went to her cupboard and handed me a pair of black heels, the 'fuck me' pair with the ankle strap fastenings.

"Put these on".

"Yes Mistress" and slid my nylon clad feet gently inside them before fumbling with the straps, my nerves were beginning to get the better of me again.

It was when Mistress began taking portrait shots that I could feel myself begin to relax, she had a presence about her that put me at ease that's difficult to explain, her words too were a great comfort to me.

"How do you feel?"

I answered honestly, "I feel wonderful thank you Mistress, I feel so incredibly calm and at ease with myself". All of which was true, it's a feeling I've not experienced that often but it's one that I've come to recognise and accept as opposed to deny or feel ashamed of.

It's how I want to feel always, so comfortable, so tranquil and at peace with myself.

I was tempted to elaborate and tell Mistress Carina all of this, explain to her in detail how being dressed like this felt completely natural and my day to day guise somehow false and awkward; tell her how frustrating it is not to be able to experience this sense of freedom more often.

Mistress Carina stood over me and took more pictures, pasuing briefly to adjust my position, moving my feet until they were perfectly aligned for her and she leaned in to take a close up.

Then came another surprise, reviewing the pictures she'd taken Mistress looked a little disappointed and remarked that "we may need to book a studio?"; she showed me one or two of the portraits she'd taken, "this isn't how I'm seeing you, it's the flash, you look much better".

Not for the first time that evening my mind went into overdrive.... may need to book a studio?

The strange thing was, although on reflection it wasn't at all, was that we were speaking as if my being feminised and photographed was the most natural thing in the world, no nerves, no hint of awkwardness shown by either of us, Mistress's wife was lying fully dressed on her bed and both of us were totally relaxed with it.

At one point and in the most matter of fact way possible Mistress had said "you look better in stockings and suspenders than I ever could" and "black underwear's best for you I've decided".

With her camera put to one side Mistress stood and without saying a word walked over to her cupboard once more, this time returning with her strap on.

I may have been relaxed but there was only one thought in my mind as I watched Mistress fastening the soft leather straps, now sitting beside me on the bed she made the final adjustments and once again asked me how I was feeling?

"Wonderful thank you Mistress", the best I could do as my breath grew deeper in anticipation of what (I hoped) was about to take place.

"Good", she replied, "would you like to suck your Mistress' cock suzy?"

Permission granted I leaned forward and as any obedient wife would do took her into my mouth, sucking and licking for all I was worth, taking it as deep as I could, enjoying every second and at the same time desperate to prove to Mistress just how much I craved her womanhood and how grateful I was to her for allowing me to worship and wrap my slutty red lips around it.

I was entranced, completely and utterly at my Mistress' mercy.

"Please fuck me Mistress, please?!"

"Would you like me to make love to you suzy?"

I can't recall my reply, it was probably no more than a subservient "yes", too embarrassed to be honest and say what was really going through my mind, that I wanted Mistress to make love to me this night and every night, that I dream about her fucking me so hard that it hurts, fantasise about her raping me, dressing me up and then fucking me senseless.

"Kneel on the bed.... further up.... spread your legs.... wider"

With my face buried deep in a pillow Mistress positioned herself behind me and the head of her hard rubber cock at the entrance to my sissy cunt, I couldn't see but could hear and sense the lube being spread along its entire length, the anticipation was incredible.

I felt myself opening up for her, ready for my Mistress to penetrate and enjoy at her will.

And penetrate me she did, slowly and very gently Mistress stretched me wider still until the full length of her erection could go no deeper and finally came to rest in what felt like the pit of my stomach.

While I might have been comfortable with a six inch rubber cock inside me Mistress certainly wasn't and she very soon withdrew, repositioned herself on her back on the bed and holding her now glistening cock upright invited me to mount it.

Little more than a second or two later I was looking into Mistress Carina's eyes while lowering myself down on her and revelling in the sensations that swept through me; with every inch of her cock buried deep inside me once more I lost all control and began to move my hips up and down, slowly at first and then harder as the tentative movements of a wife became the unabandoned thrusts of a slut...... each and every one harder than the last, forcing Mistress' wonderful cock even deeper than before.

I was in another world, oblivious to everything around me except for one thing.... the smile on my Mistress' face as I rode up and down on her and the lube she was now squeezing into the palms of her hands.

Still pushing myself down on her like a total slut that hadn't had a cock inside her for months I watched as Mistress wrapped both hands around me.

I came, harder and more intensely than ever, with Mistress' cock inside me and while imagining being pumped full of cum.

"Find something to make my cunt feel good".

I so wanted to help Mistress feel as good as she'd been able to make me and was careful to pleasure her with the dildo I'd chosen very gently and massaged her by now throbbing clit with equal sensitivity.

As I did so Mistress began to confide in me, first telling me how she too needed cock and then listening intently as I described how I'd prepare it for her and always ask if I'd made it hard enough for her before offering it up for her to enjoy?

She told me how much she was looking forward to the day she'd watch me lick cunt for her, while I was being fucked from behind by a real cock.... that would cum in me.

Mistress came..... it was 3am

Twice**

While I’m far from being on death’s door and despite having been given the all clear by my GP last week I’m not in the best of health at the moment, it was more than a bit scary and while tiredness is favourite for once I’m heeding the advice and taking things easy for a while.

Needless to say Mistress Carina’s been extremely her usual understanding and incredibly supportive self, which is partly why I've decided to include one or two images that I hope she'll enjoy by way of a thank you.

That same night, Wednesday of last week, Mistress allowed me to share her bed where she then made me cum for her, I slept like a baby which I'm sure was her intention.

On Sunday I retired early anticipating yet another restless night and to my own bed too, I'd not been told I was to share Mistress' bed once again and it was important to me that I showed her the utmost respect by adopting my subservient routine as soon as I possibly could.

Just a few minutes later Mistress Carina sent me a message.... “you may sleep in my bed” followed a minute or two later by a second that read…. "and make sure your cock’s hard when I come up!”

It was.

As she settled down beside me the anticipation was almost unbearable, there have been occasions when I've sensed that Mistress might want to use me in some way but this wasn't one of them and I was unusually nervous.

Then came the softly spoken words that sent a shiver down my spine, “would you like to feel nylon suzy?"

I begged, pleaded and as my breath grew shallower and my slut cock even harder Mistress made for my drawer and returned seconds later with a black nylon stocking; I watched open mouthed as she slid her fingers inside and pulled it up and over the full length of her arm.

She stroked my face, brushing the nylon gently against my skin, then my chest, my legs, my ever hardening cock.... moments later Mistress Carina slipped the stocking from her arm and pulled it down over mine... I played with myself just as Mistress had stroking my nipples, face, legs and cock.

Mistress instructed me to caress my nylon clad arm with the fingers of my free hand and then asked if I preferred the feel of the stocking encasing my skin or was I more aroused by how it felt when I stroked it? I answered honestly as always, "how it feels when I stroke and caress it Mistress".

"Roll it down the full length of your arm and over your cock... and your balls suzy, pull it down nice and tight for me”.

"I'm cumming Mistress!"

"Good girl... you can cum suzy"

And with Mistress' permission I came, like a whore and pumped myself dry, the stocking growing wetter with every spurt until my slut balls were empty and the nylon was saturated.

"Thank you Mistress Carina"

I'd cum but I was still so incredibly aroused that as I lay there exhausted my head kept spinning and the thoughts just kept coming..... I wanted to show Mistress how thankful I was to her by sucking the stocking dry, mopping up the lovely warm cum off my chest with my fingers before licking them clean, pulling the cum soaked nylon over my head and pleasuring Mistress' cunt with my tongue..... leaving it on until morning.

For a second night in a week I slept more soundly than ever.

As if it were possible the following Sunday was even more memorable!

Bretagne

Maitresse Carina and I have just returned from a long overdue and most wonderful week's holiday in the Brittany region of France, one of the many highlights of which was an hour or so spent harvesting cockles together....... how romantic is that?!

Accompanied as we were by three of our four kids and housed in the most basic, albeit very suitable and comfortable, accommodation we weren't able to be as open with one another as we'd normally be; opportunites for me to serve my beloved Maitresse were as a consequence quite severely restricted.

Having washed and dried clothes, shopped, cooked, made both our beds and had a good tidy around the house today though it's fair to say that normal service has now been resumed.

I really did enjoy our time in France, maybe one day we'll return, sans enfants.... and both be able to soak up the sunshine in our swimsuits and skimpy summer tops?

suzy le salope x

Tormented Heaven

I just love this photo!

It's one of those that comes so so close to being perfect.... it's hard to imagine the frustration of being covered from head to toe in nylon and denied almost all of the pleasure that would normaly invoke by being gagged, tied up and then dumped on a bed.... even the shoes are and the stockings worn over tights are perfect.... sheer (excuse the pun) perfection!

The more I look at it the more my head spins... what happens next, is she left like that while her Mistress tends to more important matters and for how long? Is this how's she's kept when her services aren't required, maybe it's a punishment or perhaps it's just a cruel way of allowing her to indulge in a passion while restricting the enjoyment?

Maybe there's a party of some sort being held and she's been placed like this, out of the way but available to anyone who might wish to enjoy her?

Or is it simply a case of her Mistress having thought "I can, so I will"?

Whichever it is - and it could of course be all of these - I just adore it, I want to be her and experience for myself what must be the epitomy of torment.

Mistress Carina is well aware of my fetish for nylon, it's beyond doubt the single most weakness(?) I have and as a consequence perhaps the most powerful tool she possesses. I can't recall the when or the where exactly but a while back Mistress were out together somewhere she opened her bag, took a black nylon stocking from it and having made sure I could see as she slipped it over her fingers proceeded to brush my cheek.

It was as if she'd waved a magic wand, her control of me at that moment was absolute and I would've done anything for her.

Thinking about it it's very often the little things like this (little in the sense that such gestures require little effort on her part) that Mistress Carina might do or say from time to time that keeps this relationship alive and her wife so utterly compliant.

And there are lots of them.

Mistress occasionally addresses me as her 'sweet wife', the effect of which is disproportionate in the extreme for such a simple phrase just as it is when she refers to me as 'suzy'; being told when Mistress retires that "you can sleep in your own bed tonight" has a similar effect as does
her holding out her hand, which I now automatically respond to by kissing it before thanking her. Earlier this week Mistress asked me out of the blue if I'd like to kiss her bare feet, my lips were pressed against them before I had time even to think, heaven knows what I'll do if (as one day I'm sure she will) I'm told to kiss her feet out in public.... the same I'm sure!

The one thing that all of these gestures have in common and why they're clearly so important to me is that I view each and every one as a form of recognition, something on which I thrive and helps keep me at my subservient best for her; put very simply they motivate me.

Motivate me and also help me overcome the dissapointments, which are present in any relationship but can so often have a greater effect where the partnership is by definition unequal and one is constantly looking to serve and exceed the expectations of the other.

In truth there aren't nearly as many disappointments as there are missed opportunities, the latter I'll cover another time. It's also true to say that what disappointments there are are always self inflicted, that is I can be guilty at times of creating false expectations for myself.

Two recent examples spring to mind.

The first was when Mistress Carina was out shopping and I was at home, she sent me a message asking if the knickers she'd bought for me a week or two earlier were a good fit? I replied truthfully that they had and then created an expectation in my mind, that Mistress would arrive home later having treated her wife to something else for her to wear... she didn't.

Not long after Mistress and I stopped off at a motorway service station where she was approached by a young girl selling cosmetics, I left her in peace and went off to buy our coffees. Mistress joined me a few minutes later, showed me all that she'd bought and as she spoke could feel a level of expectation start to build that once more was to end in disappointment.

All of which helps explain while I often feel as if I'm on an emotional rollercoaster, swimming in the delights of recognition one minute and sinking in the depths of disappointment the next.

On balance though I remain happier now than at any other time of my life, Mistress Carina's acceptance of me as her wife was the greatest gift ever bestowed upon me and I'm eternally thankful to her.

For my part I shall continue to work hard at being everything that Mistress could ever want me to be, do for her whatever she may demand of me, with whoever and wherever she might decide and serve her as best I can for the rest of my days.

Thank you Mistress Carina

For your love and your support.

xxx suzy

Consolation*

This is late.

Time will no doubt tell if I'm to be punished as a result, I am though fully aware of both the importance of discipline in this relationship and adhering to Mistress Carina's instructions so if I am will accept it with dignity and as graciously as I can.

First thing on Monday I learnt of the death of relative and, while Mistress did her utmost to console me, spent the rest of the day on an emotional rollercoaster that culminated in a feeling of intense loneliness that by late evening had intensified unimaginably. So much so that despite the fear of rejection I found the courage to ask Mistress if she'd permit me to share her bed, just for the one night and for no other reason than to satisfy my need for human comfort?

Minutes later I was sliding my cock inside Mistress' deliciously wet and warm cunt, feeling it close gently around me and responding to her instruction to fuck her by asking her permission to cum..... with Mistress having granted my request I pushed my cock as deep inside her as I could and remained perfectly still as my full and heavy balls began to pump themselves dry.

The relief was immense, weeks of intense frustration dissipated in an instant.

I slept more soundly that night than I had done in weeks.

I awoke the next morning refreshed, my mind relaxed and eager to serve, so much so that Mistress couldn't have failed to notice how more attentive I'd become.

It's generally accepted that a submissive is at their very least compliant immediately after release, intensifies as the period of their denial lengthens and falls away again with their next orgasm at which point the cycle begins again.

The first part is most definitely true in my case, I am at my least submissive immediately after release but feeling as I did on Tuesday morning didn't quite fit with the second part, I felt noticeably more submissive than I had done at any time since my last orgasm?

Time for a little research.

The net result of which is that compliance isn't determined by denial alone but is also affected by a person's general health and in particular their stress levels, which in turn have a direct impact on motivation. Someone in good health and exposed to low levels of stress is more likely to have more energy and in turn be more compliant than one whose health is not so good and is suffering from realtively high levels of stress.

Also true is that the length of time between orgasms can only be extended so far as a means of ensuring compliance, too long a period will see compliance levels start to fall away again; not suprisingly given that as people we're all different, is that the optimum period of denial varies considerably from person to person and is also affected by an individual's health.

Put very simply all this means that periods of denial do increase compliance but that they can also lead to stress (through frustration) and need managing to achieve the correct balance between the needs of the Mistress and the ability of their submissive to deliver them.

Which partly explains why prostate milking is becoming increasingly popular within FLR relationships, a technique that allows a Mistress to rid a submissive of ejaculate without the need to induce orgasm while ensuring they experience no pleasurable feelings whatsoever.

The more I've read on this subject the more fascinated I've become by it, the very notion of being made to cum - over a period of anything from 10 to 40 minutes - while experiencing nothing in the way of pleasure and afterwards feeling just as one would after orgasm is a concept I find difficult to get my sweet little head around?!

For further reading I'd recommend Chastity UK's article entitled Prostate Milking and Massage, which is detailed yet at the same time both clear and concise.

Oxford

This post was to be entitled Desperately Seeking Suzy and how some aspects of our relationship are unclear to me, the confusion this creates and the frustration that so often results.

Desperately Seeking Suzy, a plea(?) for clarity from one who so wants to please her Mistress and is growing increasingly aware that to do so she must also be at ease with herself.

Circumstances however, most notably a piss poor connection (i'm sat outside on a hot summer's evening deep in the Cotswolds while Mistress sleeps inside our hotel room) really aren't condusive to such an important subject matter.

Instead I shall limit this entry to thanking both Beverley and Miss D for their most recent comments and Mistress Carina for allowing me to continue in her service.