Show Me*

I was taken completely by surprise on Sunday on one of those rare occasions when Mistress Carina had allowed me to share her bed, although as always this was purely for practical purposes.

Knowing my place and with Mistress ending her day as she generally does by using her PDA to catch up on the news I settled down to sleep, conscious as always that the slightest movement or noise on my part might disturb her.

This was one occasion when I needn’t have worried as after maybe three or four minutes and just as I was beginning to drift off I had the most wonderful surprise, unbeknown to me Mistress Carina had encased her arm in glorious nylon and leaning across me began stroking my chest.

And the effect on me was just incredible, before I’d even had time to assimilate what was happening my whole body had flexed, my breathing become completely random and my whole persona had changed. Mistress caressed my tits and told me how wonderful they were, pinched my nipples hard knowing full well that it’s the one thing guaranteed to bring her wife to an instant and complete state of arousal.

I could sense every inhibition I may have subconsciously held being very skilfully forced out of me until my submissive state was so utterly complete and Mistress’ wife was now her totally compliant whore!

When Mistress’ nylon covered fingers brushed my lips my mouth opened up for her, I drew them inside where I could suck on them, kiss them and lick them.... I could taste Mistress’ aroma and wanted to be gagged…. wanted her to soak it in her juices and push it to the back of my throat…. wanted her to fasten the ball gag around my head to make sure it stayed put and that her slut wife remained silent until morning.

My head was still floating when my Mistress removed the nylon from her own arm and began to slide it up over my own, then the other before ripping a hole in the tights she was using, pulling them down over my head and smoothing the nylon across my chest until my entire upper body was encased.
I can’t recall her exact words but they were along the lines of ‘show me how you make yourself feel good suzy, do whatever you want to’.

While I've never considered myself as being an exhibitionist whenever Mistress Carina encourages me to let go I enjoy every second in the knowledge that she's enjoying it as much if no more than I am myself, I can't say I'm 100% comfortable letting go just yet but I do feel as if I'm getting there slowly.

Lying on my back I caressed every inch of myself…. my face, legs, nipples, every part of me that I could reach while keeping my eyes firmly closed and allowing my mind to wander anywhere it cared to take me; I was oblivious to everything and open to anything.

“I want a cock Mistress……. wrapped in nylon and inside me!”

I was surprised at myself for uttering those words but at that precise moment I wanted just that… a lovely hard cock, lube soaked black nylon pulled tight along its entire throbbing length fucking me for all I was worth.

“I want it for you Mistress.

“No suzy, don’t want it for me, want it for yourself like I know you do”

Which proves beyond doubt that my Mistress knows me better than I know myself, I did want it for me and said so without the slightest hint of shame of embarrassment.

With months of pent up frustration to overcome I let myself go, shut myself off from the world around me and focused my mind solely on the moment, squeezing myself ever tighter and writhing on the sheet like a slut until I could bare it no longer, laid back and revelled in the sensations as I pumped myself dry. It was effortless, I simply lay there and experienced a release so intense and so powerful that I never thought it would end.

“Thank you Mistress”.
Silence, Mistress simply turned away and pleasured herself to what I can only imagine was an orgasm as intense and enjoyable as my own had been.

----------------------------------- o o 0 o o -----------------------------
Morning came and the only physical reminder of what had occurred the night before was a pair of ripped and cum soaked black tights.

Mentally the reminders were endless, something drug like had been stirred within me which refused to go away.

There was the wanting so badly to be gagged, the feel of the hard rubber ball being forced into my nylon filled mouth; my transformation from docile wife to out and out slut the very second I felt Mistress’ nylon clad fingers on my skin; how I’d longed to be encased from head to foot; what I’d said, that I wanted a cock in me and Mistress’ response which as always was so much closer to the truth.

I had to get up, out of bed and to work but I didn’t want to, I wanted to start this day differently.
Even as the morning wore on and the harsh reality of normality returned I could barely stay focused, every other second my mind would wander off somewhere else and no matter how hard I might try seemingly random thoughts continued to occupy my head.

Mistress Carina putting me to bed at night adorned with nipple clamps or gagged; how it’d feel and how I might look wearing sheer black nylons and suspender belt over a pair of light coloured tights.

Touching my first cock, using my fingers to make it hard and then watching as the cum splashes over my skirt; being seduced by another and more experienced TV while Mistress looks on encouragingly; riding Mistress’ hard rubber cock.

Those thoughts faded in time; I’d hoped they wouldn’t but as always everything was very soon back to normal and all I could think of was finding my next fix.

BNT

This is another of those times when I had it all planned out and find that the second I sit down my mind's completely blank, writer's block I think it's called?

As is so often the way after a week or two of business being 'quiet verging on dead' it's now completely the opposite with not enough hours in the day to keep up, at least that's how it feels.

Which is why I for one and I'm sure Mistress Carina is no different am really looking forward to this weekend and a chance to unwind, especially as next week's half term and the kids are on holiday.

Past experience has taught me not to build my expectations so I'm trying hard to do just that; I'd be lying though if I said that the frustration wasn't building.... it is, so in the event that Mistress does call on me to serve her in any way she may decide I'll be as ready and willing as any good wife should be.

It wasn't a conscious decision but Thursday's have become my regular bath night, Bath Night Thursday (BNT) I call it; it's the one occasion every week without fail that I emerge as smooth as I possibly can be ahead of the weekend.

It would be nice (understatement of the year!) to step out, dry off and indulge myself by slipping on a pair of nylons but I'm happy in the knowledge that I'm as prepared as I can be for service should I be called upon.

Symptoms

Not a great deal to report.

I'm back in my own bed as I suspected I would be by now and Mistress Carina has decreed that I'm to deep clean my kitchen to her own exacting standards once every week.

One thing that's become noticable to me recently is how long I'm able to survive reasonably comfortably without release when I have no sense of denial and how incredibly difficult it becomes when there is.

Like everything else psychological it's very difficult to explain so I won't even try, what I am able to do though is describe 'the symptoms'.

When I'm experiencing no sense of denial it's as if it's me that has the control and that I've simply opted for a period (the length of which I've yet to decide) of celibacy, there are still occasions when I want to experience release but it never seems great enough and feels more a simple 'want' than a desperate 'need'.

The second that this changes and it's clear that I'm being denied I'm in turmoil, the 'need' for release is all that occupies my mind and I'll do anything that Mistress might demand of me to be allowed to experience it; the more open about it Mistress is with me the more obvious the denial is and I reach desperation level far more quickly.

And the effect the introduction of denial has is like flicking a switch, there's no gradual change of mental state.... it's immediate!

Throw in the occasional subtle reminder and it very soon becomes unbearable and induces a state of mind so powerful that it's all I can think about.

Milestone

It's a temporary arrangement and for practical reasons only Mistress Carina is allowing me to share her bed at the moment, something that I've not done for any length of time for some months.

Of course it's an honour for me to lie beside her each night, to feel and hear her breath, to smell her perfume on the bed clothes and wake beside her each morning. What's very different this time around however is that any sense I may have had in the past of returning home or being back where I belong is noticeably absent, this space that I'm being permitted to occupy is now most definitely Mistress', more comfortable than my own it may be but it feels more like a hotel bed and no longer one that I could once call my own.

While that may come across as being all negative it isn't, far from it; with Mistress Carina having now firmly established this space as her own it's an even greater honour for me to be permitted to share it, albeit temporarily on this occasion, and reinforces her dominance of me. So much so in fact that I've actually begun to look forward to returning to my own place of rest, knowing that should I ever be summoned Mistress' words alone will ensure I arrive even more desperate to please and totally submissive to her.

As if it were possible this new mindset was instilled still further on Monday when Mistress allowed me to help her orgasm and once she had and had recovered immediately dismissed me. As I lay quietly beside her, my slut fingers and face drenched in her juices she said simply, "you can go to sleep now suzy".

I did just that.

But not before I'd spent some time reflecting on what had just taken place and how different it had felt, thinking forward to when I might be used and then sent away like this again and wondering how it would feel like now to lie in my own bed at night listening to Mistress Carina pleasuring herself, totally and very deliberately ignoring her wife?

And time spent focusing my mind on how incredibly hard I still was and how that in itself was clearly now something to be thankful for, all the while sensing Mistress' juices drying on my skin and enjoying the last few remnants of her amazing aroma.

Mistress' wife slept well on Monday, satisfied with her efforts and looking forward to a future that I sensed will be very different.

TV Licence

It won't help secure any disounts or get me in anywhere I wouldn't be able to access otherwise but it's good fun to have nonetheless....

... and it's free!

Second Photo

It's Wednesday or to be precise it's early'ish on Thursday, hopefully not too late to incur Mistress's wrath?

The response to the photo I posted has been amazing, not only here but also on Birch Place where my profile's been visited more than ever.

Wih little else to write about I thought I'd post another of the photos that Mistress Carina took of me that night and which she was kind enough to let me have copies of and serves as a further reminder of what took place.... and from my own perspective the level of contentment I now know I'm able to experience.

Mistress Carina as always is right, black underwear does suit me better!

And I need to think more about sun tanning, although that's probably now one for next year?

I do love those shoes!

They have a metal buckle ankle fastening that can never be too tight for me.

And to keep the balance, here's a photo that Mistress Carina didn't take.....

.... although I suspect that she would like to have done?

Voila!

There I was wondering how I was ever going to follow my last entry, after all it really was a very special and incredibly enjoyable night for us both, when low and behold Mistress Carina suprises me yet again by sending me a present.... copies of three of the photographs she took of me!

Needless to say they're all wonderful, this one though is that little bit special...

For me it's not only one that I've wanted for so long but it's probably also as good a photograph as I'm ever likely to see of myself and I'm really excited at being able to include it in my profile and show my face at long last, the remaining two I've decided to keep to myself for the time being and use them to illustrate a future post.


I know Mistress Carina is equally pleased with them, not only has she said as much but she's also happy for me to use them here and also remarked only yesterday as she looked at the one in my profile, "I'm loving your photo!"


And I'm loving it too Mistress..... thank you xxx

3am Eternal*

Two Sundays ago Mistress Carina spent a wonderfully relaxing day out in the countryside together, relaxing that is until the heavens opened and we were forced to seek refuge beneath a tree; twenty minutes later we were home, soaked through but happy nonetheless.

Having both changed into dry warm clothes we spent the next few hours sat in the kitchen talking, recalling the days events and a million and one other subjects.

I did my best to ensure the Mistress' wine glass was topped up when necessary and that she had a steady supply of cigarettes; the radio was on, the rain had ceased and as the week drew to a close we laughed, joked and had a really good time.

It had though been a very long day and while I could have stayed up a lot later I was growing tired and conscious that tomorrow (Monday) I'd be expected to be up for work at my usual time decided to retire.

"You'll go to bed when I say so suzy!"

"Yes Mistress"

Mistress' words came as something of a surprise, she'd not shown any of her dominant side all day and to surface as it did now through me completely off balance.... and served as a reminder that no matter how relaxed Mistress Carina might ever appear to be she remains in total control 24/7 and it's her alone that decides what's right for me.

A nervousness set in. Midnight was approaching and Mistress seemed more settled now than at any other time of the evening.. with a complete disregard for time or anything else, she was enjoying herself and quite rightly expected her wife to be there and attentive to her needs.

Minutes later Mistress Carina's demeanour changed, only slightly but enough for me to realise that I was right to have been nervous.

"Lock the door, go upstairs and get dressed"

My response was immediate, testament to Mistress Carina's training of me, "yes Mistress".

On the short walk up to the bedroom I grappled mentally with what I should wear or rather what I thought Mistress would like me to wear for her?

I should've know better, Mistress had already decided.... laid out at the foot of her bed were my nightdress, black pvc skirt, the ivory coloured knickers with detachable suspenders she'd recently bought for me and which I'd not worn before, a pair of opaque black stockings with sissy red bows and bright pink court shoes with 5" heels.

I dressed, savouring every tantalising second of the nylon stockings being pulled over first my toes then ankles and finally my cleanly shaven legs; with the suspender straps perfectly adjusted I returned downstairs to the kitchen and presented myself.

Having looked me over Mistress Carina gave an approving smile before ordering me back to the bedroom where I was also to take her wine, cigarettes and camera.

Camera?!

My response to any of Mistress' instruction now habiually unquestionable I said simply "Yes Mistress" and tottered off trying my level best to remain dignified and maintain my balance despite the height of my heels.

Inside I was trembling, taken aback by Mistress Carina's inclusion of the camera and wondering just what it was that she had planned for me.

When Mistress entered the room I was sat on the edge of her bed, arms by my side like a naughty child awaiting punishment.

Mistress walked to the corner of the room, returned with her make up bag and set to work.

Her demeanour had changed once again, she was relaxed yet at the same time totally focused on what she was doing, her artistic streak was evident and her manner so matter of fact anyone would've thought fixing her wife's make up was something that she did every day.

All I could do was sit quietly and let her weave her magic, looking this way and that as she worked on my eyes, saying nothing and marvelling at her attention to detail, reminding myself over and over again just how lucky I was to have a Mistress so skilled and understanding of me.

Her work complete Mistress stood back and smiled, clearly very pleased with what she'd accomplished, how I now looked for her. Mistress looked at me from every possible angle, all the while the smile on her face growing more intense as it became clear to her just how good a transformation she'd achieved.

"Wow" she exclaimed and stared at me for what seemed like an eternity before leaving the room and returning seconds later with a mirror.

Words failed me, it was incredible; I looked incredible and felt incredible, as if it were possible Mistress had surpassed herself, I really did look (and feel) quite amazing!

Such was my astonishment I thanked Mistress for making me up so many times I lost count.... "I could never do as well this myself Mistress".

"Oh you will suzy".

A reply that I wasn't expecting and one that I can quite clearly recall filled me with an excitement I'd not felt before, being able to apply my own make's a skill that I've always aspired to and while she may have made casual mention of it before I sensed now that Mistress Carina was being serious and really did intend to start teaching me how to one day soon.

As I sat there dreaming of the day when Mistress and I could both get ready for a night out together, sharing a dressing table and chatting about what to wear she appeared before me... with the camera.

Mistress first had me stand in a corner and told me to look back at her over my shoulder, "you're a slut remember suzy, look at me as if you want me".

The flash began to rebound off the walls.

"Take off your nightdress"

I was instructed to get on the bed, where I lay thinking only of what might lie ahead of me, "and your skirt"

Mistress Carina looked me over and seemingly still not happy with something went to her cupboard and handed me a pair of black heels, the 'fuck me' pair with the ankle strap fastenings.

"Put these on".

"Yes Mistress" and slid my nylon clad feet gently inside them before fumbling with the straps, my nerves were beginning to get the better of me again.

It was when Mistress began taking portrait shots that I could feel myself begin to relax, she had a presence about her that put me at ease that's difficult to explain, her words too were a great comfort to me.

"How do you feel?"

I answered honestly, "I feel wonderful thank you Mistress, I feel so incredibly calm and at ease with myself". All of which was true, it's a feeling I've not experienced that often but it's one that I've come to recognise and accept as opposed to deny or feel ashamed of.

It's how I want to feel always, so comfortable, so tranquil and at peace with myself.

I was tempted to elaborate and tell Mistress Carina all of this, explain to her in detail how being dressed like this felt completely natural and my day to day guise somehow false and awkward; tell her how frustrating it is not to be able to experience this sense of freedom more often.

Mistress Carina stood over me and took more pictures, pasuing briefly to adjust my position, moving my feet until they were perfectly aligned for her and she leaned in to take a close up.

Then came another surprise, reviewing the pictures she'd taken Mistress looked a little disappointed and remarked that "we may need to book a studio?"; she showed me one or two of the portraits she'd taken, "this isn't how I'm seeing you, it's the flash, you look much better".

Not for the first time that evening my mind went into overdrive.... may need to book a studio?

The strange thing was, although on reflection it wasn't at all, was that we were speaking as if my being feminised and photographed was the most natural thing in the world, no nerves, no hint of awkwardness shown by either of us, Mistress's wife was lying fully dressed on her bed and both of us were totally relaxed with it.

At one point and in the most matter of fact way possible Mistress had said "you look better in stockings and suspenders than I ever could" and "black underwear's best for you I've decided".

With her camera put to one side Mistress stood and without saying a word walked over to her cupboard once more, this time returning with her strap on.

I may have been relaxed but there was only one thought in my mind as I watched Mistress fastening the soft leather straps, now sitting beside me on the bed she made the final adjustments and once again asked me how I was feeling?

"Wonderful thank you Mistress", the best I could do as my breath grew deeper in anticipation of what (I hoped) was about to take place.

"Good", she replied, "would you like to suck your Mistress' cock suzy?"

Permission granted I leaned forward and as any obedient wife would do took her into my mouth, sucking and licking for all I was worth, taking it as deep as I could, enjoying every second and at the same time desperate to prove to Mistress just how much I craved her womanhood and how grateful I was to her for allowing me to worship and wrap my slutty red lips around it.

I was entranced, completely and utterly at my Mistress' mercy.

"Please fuck me Mistress, please?!"

"Would you like me to make love to you suzy?"

I can't recall my reply, it was probably no more than a subservient "yes", too embarrassed to be honest and say what was really going through my mind, that I wanted Mistress to make love to me this night and every night, that I dream about her fucking me so hard that it hurts, fantasise about her raping me, dressing me up and then fucking me senseless.

"Kneel on the bed.... further up.... spread your legs.... wider"

With my face buried deep in a pillow Mistress positioned herself behind me and the head of her hard rubber cock at the entrance to my sissy cunt, I couldn't see but could hear and sense the lube being spread along its entire length, the anticipation was incredible.

I felt myself opening up for her, ready for my Mistress to penetrate and enjoy at her will.

And penetrate me she did, slowly and very gently Mistress stretched me wider still until the full length of her erection could go no deeper and finally came to rest in what felt like the pit of my stomach.

While I might have been comfortable with a six inch rubber cock inside me Mistress certainly wasn't and she very soon withdrew, repositioned herself on her back on the bed and holding her now glistening cock upright invited me to mount it.

Little more than a second or two later I was looking into Mistress Carina's eyes while lowering myself down on her and revelling in the sensations that swept through me; with every inch of her cock buried deep inside me once more I lost all control and began to move my hips up and down, slowly at first and then harder as the tentative movements of a wife became the unabandoned thrusts of a slut...... each and every one harder than the last, forcing Mistress' wonderful cock even deeper than before.

I was in another world, oblivious to everything around me except for one thing.... the smile on my Mistress' face as I rode up and down on her and the lube she was now squeezing into the palms of her hands.

Still pushing myself down on her like a total slut that hadn't had a cock inside her for months I watched as Mistress wrapped both hands around me.

I came, harder and more intensely than ever, with Mistress' cock inside me and while imagining being pumped full of cum.

"Find something to make my cunt feel good".

I so wanted to help Mistress feel as good as she'd been able to make me and was careful to pleasure her with the dildo I'd chosen very gently and massaged her by now throbbing clit with equal sensitivity.

As I did so Mistress began to confide in me, first telling me how she too needed cock and then listening intently as I described how I'd prepare it for her and always ask if I'd made it hard enough for her before offering it up for her to enjoy?

She told me how much she was looking forward to the day she'd watch me lick cunt for her, while I was being fucked from behind by a real cock.... that would cum in me.

Mistress came..... it was 3am

Twice**

While I’m far from being on death’s door and despite having been given the all clear by my GP last week I’m not in the best of health at the moment, it was more than a bit scary and while tiredness is favourite for once I’m heeding the advice and taking things easy for a while.

Needless to say Mistress Carina’s been extremely her usual understanding and incredibly supportive self, which is partly why I've decided to include one or two images that I hope she'll enjoy by way of a thank you.

That same night, Wednesday of last week, Mistress allowed me to share her bed where she then made me cum for her, I slept like a baby which I'm sure was her intention.

On Sunday I retired early anticipating yet another restless night and to my own bed too, I'd not been told I was to share Mistress' bed once again and it was important to me that I showed her the utmost respect by adopting my subservient routine as soon as I possibly could.

Just a few minutes later Mistress Carina sent me a message.... “you may sleep in my bed” followed a minute or two later by a second that read…. "and make sure your cock’s hard when I come up!”

It was.

As she settled down beside me the anticipation was almost unbearable, there have been occasions when I've sensed that Mistress might want to use me in some way but this wasn't one of them and I was unusually nervous.

Then came the softly spoken words that sent a shiver down my spine, “would you like to feel nylon suzy?"

I begged, pleaded and as my breath grew shallower and my slut cock even harder Mistress made for my drawer and returned seconds later with a black nylon stocking; I watched open mouthed as she slid her fingers inside and pulled it up and over the full length of her arm.

She stroked my face, brushing the nylon gently against my skin, then my chest, my legs, my ever hardening cock.... moments later Mistress Carina slipped the stocking from her arm and pulled it down over mine... I played with myself just as Mistress had stroking my nipples, face, legs and cock.

Mistress instructed me to caress my nylon clad arm with the fingers of my free hand and then asked if I preferred the feel of the stocking encasing my skin or was I more aroused by how it felt when I stroked it? I answered honestly as always, "how it feels when I stroke and caress it Mistress".

"Roll it down the full length of your arm and over your cock... and your balls suzy, pull it down nice and tight for me”.

"I'm cumming Mistress!"

"Good girl... you can cum suzy"

And with Mistress' permission I came, like a whore and pumped myself dry, the stocking growing wetter with every spurt until my slut balls were empty and the nylon was saturated.

"Thank you Mistress Carina"

I'd cum but I was still so incredibly aroused that as I lay there exhausted my head kept spinning and the thoughts just kept coming..... I wanted to show Mistress how thankful I was to her by sucking the stocking dry, mopping up the lovely warm cum off my chest with my fingers before licking them clean, pulling the cum soaked nylon over my head and pleasuring Mistress' cunt with my tongue..... leaving it on until morning.

For a second night in a week I slept more soundly than ever.

As if it were possible the following Sunday was even more memorable!

Bretagne

Maitresse Carina and I have just returned from a long overdue and most wonderful week's holiday in the Brittany region of France, one of the many highlights of which was an hour or so spent harvesting cockles together....... how romantic is that?!

Accompanied as we were by three of our four kids and housed in the most basic, albeit very suitable and comfortable, accommodation we weren't able to be as open with one another as we'd normally be; opportunites for me to serve my beloved Maitresse were as a consequence quite severely restricted.

Having washed and dried clothes, shopped, cooked, made both our beds and had a good tidy around the house today though it's fair to say that normal service has now been resumed.

I really did enjoy our time in France, maybe one day we'll return, sans enfants.... and both be able to soak up the sunshine in our swimsuits and skimpy summer tops?

suzy le salope x

Tormented Heaven

I just love this photo!

It's one of those that comes so so close to being perfect.... it's hard to imagine the frustration of being covered from head to toe in nylon and denied almost all of the pleasure that would normaly invoke by being gagged, tied up and then dumped on a bed.... even the shoes are and the stockings worn over tights are perfect.... sheer (excuse the pun) perfection!

The more I look at it the more my head spins... what happens next, is she left like that while her Mistress tends to more important matters and for how long? Is this how's she's kept when her services aren't required, maybe it's a punishment or perhaps it's just a cruel way of allowing her to indulge in a passion while restricting the enjoyment?

Maybe there's a party of some sort being held and she's been placed like this, out of the way but available to anyone who might wish to enjoy her?

Or is it simply a case of her Mistress having thought "I can, so I will"?

Whichever it is - and it could of course be all of these - I just adore it, I want to be her and experience for myself what must be the epitomy of torment.

Mistress Carina is well aware of my fetish for nylon, it's beyond doubt the single most weakness(?) I have and as a consequence perhaps the most powerful tool she possesses. I can't recall the when or the where exactly but a while back Mistress were out together somewhere she opened her bag, took a black nylon stocking from it and having made sure I could see as she slipped it over her fingers proceeded to brush my cheek.

It was as if she'd waved a magic wand, her control of me at that moment was absolute and I would've done anything for her.

Thinking about it it's very often the little things like this (little in the sense that such gestures require little effort on her part) that Mistress Carina might do or say from time to time that keeps this relationship alive and her wife so utterly compliant.

And there are lots of them.

Mistress occasionally addresses me as her 'sweet wife', the effect of which is disproportionate in the extreme for such a simple phrase just as it is when she refers to me as 'suzy'; being told when Mistress retires that "you can sleep in your own bed tonight" has a similar effect as does
her holding out her hand, which I now automatically respond to by kissing it before thanking her. Earlier this week Mistress asked me out of the blue if I'd like to kiss her bare feet, my lips were pressed against them before I had time even to think, heaven knows what I'll do if (as one day I'm sure she will) I'm told to kiss her feet out in public.... the same I'm sure!

The one thing that all of these gestures have in common and why they're clearly so important to me is that I view each and every one as a form of recognition, something on which I thrive and helps keep me at my subservient best for her; put very simply they motivate me.

Motivate me and also help me overcome the dissapointments, which are present in any relationship but can so often have a greater effect where the partnership is by definition unequal and one is constantly looking to serve and exceed the expectations of the other.

In truth there aren't nearly as many disappointments as there are missed opportunities, the latter I'll cover another time. It's also true to say that what disappointments there are are always self inflicted, that is I can be guilty at times of creating false expectations for myself.

Two recent examples spring to mind.

The first was when Mistress Carina was out shopping and I was at home, she sent me a message asking if the knickers she'd bought for me a week or two earlier were a good fit? I replied truthfully that they had and then created an expectation in my mind, that Mistress would arrive home later having treated her wife to something else for her to wear... she didn't.

Not long after Mistress and I stopped off at a motorway service station where she was approached by a young girl selling cosmetics, I left her in peace and went off to buy our coffees. Mistress joined me a few minutes later, showed me all that she'd bought and as she spoke could feel a level of expectation start to build that once more was to end in disappointment.

All of which helps explain while I often feel as if I'm on an emotional rollercoaster, swimming in the delights of recognition one minute and sinking in the depths of disappointment the next.

On balance though I remain happier now than at any other time of my life, Mistress Carina's acceptance of me as her wife was the greatest gift ever bestowed upon me and I'm eternally thankful to her.

For my part I shall continue to work hard at being everything that Mistress could ever want me to be, do for her whatever she may demand of me, with whoever and wherever she might decide and serve her as best I can for the rest of my days.

Thank you Mistress Carina

For your love and your support.

xxx suzy

Consolation*

This is late.

Time will no doubt tell if I'm to be punished as a result, I am though fully aware of both the importance of discipline in this relationship and adhering to Mistress Carina's instructions so if I am will accept it with dignity and as graciously as I can.

First thing on Monday I learnt of the death of relative and, while Mistress did her utmost to console me, spent the rest of the day on an emotional rollercoaster that culminated in a feeling of intense loneliness that by late evening had intensified unimaginably. So much so that despite the fear of rejection I found the courage to ask Mistress if she'd permit me to share her bed, just for the one night and for no other reason than to satisfy my need for human comfort?

Minutes later I was sliding my cock inside Mistress' deliciously wet and warm cunt, feeling it close gently around me and responding to her instruction to fuck her by asking her permission to cum..... with Mistress having granted my request I pushed my cock as deep inside her as I could and remained perfectly still as my full and heavy balls began to pump themselves dry.

The relief was immense, weeks of intense frustration dissipated in an instant.

I slept more soundly that night than I had done in weeks.

I awoke the next morning refreshed, my mind relaxed and eager to serve, so much so that Mistress couldn't have failed to notice how more attentive I'd become.

It's generally accepted that a submissive is at their very least compliant immediately after release, intensifies as the period of their denial lengthens and falls away again with their next orgasm at which point the cycle begins again.

The first part is most definitely true in my case, I am at my least submissive immediately after release but feeling as I did on Tuesday morning didn't quite fit with the second part, I felt noticeably more submissive than I had done at any time since my last orgasm?

Time for a little research.

The net result of which is that compliance isn't determined by denial alone but is also affected by a person's general health and in particular their stress levels, which in turn have a direct impact on motivation. Someone in good health and exposed to low levels of stress is more likely to have more energy and in turn be more compliant than one whose health is not so good and is suffering from realtively high levels of stress.

Also true is that the length of time between orgasms can only be extended so far as a means of ensuring compliance, too long a period will see compliance levels start to fall away again; not suprisingly given that as people we're all different, is that the optimum period of denial varies considerably from person to person and is also affected by an individual's health.

Put very simply all this means that periods of denial do increase compliance but that they can also lead to stress (through frustration) and need managing to achieve the correct balance between the needs of the Mistress and the ability of their submissive to deliver them.

Which partly explains why prostate milking is becoming increasingly popular within FLR relationships, a technique that allows a Mistress to rid a submissive of ejaculate without the need to induce orgasm while ensuring they experience no pleasurable feelings whatsoever.

The more I've read on this subject the more fascinated I've become by it, the very notion of being made to cum - over a period of anything from 10 to 40 minutes - while experiencing nothing in the way of pleasure and afterwards feeling just as one would after orgasm is a concept I find difficult to get my sweet little head around?!

For further reading I'd recommend Chastity UK's article entitled Prostate Milking and Massage, which is detailed yet at the same time both clear and concise.

Oxford

This post was to be entitled Desperately Seeking Suzy and how some aspects of our relationship are unclear to me, the confusion this creates and the frustration that so often results.

Desperately Seeking Suzy, a plea(?) for clarity from one who so wants to please her Mistress and is growing increasingly aware that to do so she must also be at ease with herself.

Circumstances however, most notably a piss poor connection (i'm sat outside on a hot summer's evening deep in the Cotswolds while Mistress sleeps inside our hotel room) really aren't condusive to such an important subject matter.

Instead I shall limit this entry to thanking both Beverley and Miss D for their most recent comments and Mistress Carina for allowing me to continue in her service.

What If?

Following my last post, in which I made mention of Mistress Carina's strongly worded suggestion that as her wife I might/could/should be bisexual I received the following comment from Miss D.......

Suppose Mistress did bring home a man one night and there you were - suzy, the slut wife - dressed in your prettiest lingerie - painted and perfumed. Which thought would cause greater anxiety for you - that your Mistress wanted a man or that you wanted him too? Can you answer that question?

First of all I should like to thank Miss D for taking the time to write and pose such a well crafted and thought provoking question, my response to which Mistress has since decided should be the subject of this post.

At first I wasn't sure that I could answer Miss D's question at all, as the anxiety caused in both instances would of course be considerable.

However, when I considered Mistress's needs only and disregarded my own completely the answer became clear and while I'd be far more anxious if Mistress were to bring a man home it would be how I should conduct myself that would be of the greatest concern to me. Rather than feeling threatened, being overwhelmed with jealousy or becoming deeply envious my one and only concern would be that my behaviour was of the necessary standard to ensure Mistress' total satisfaction.

While I've never been quite certain as to how I'm expected to behave in the presence of others to the best of my knowledge nobody other than Mistress and I is aware of our lifestyle so I've had no choice but to act instinctively and be as attentive and polite as I can. It’s not an ideal situation and leaves me prone to making mistakes that could at best cause slight embarrassment and at worst prove disastrous.

Given that she'd be able to relax and enjoy herself more it's most likely that Mistress Carina would've informed me of her plans to bring a man home beforehand, explained exactly what would be expected of me, precisely how I was to conduct myself in the presence of them both and made it abundantly clear that any failure on my part would be dealt with most severely.

If as Miss D suggests I were to be present as Mistress' slut, as opposed to her maid or her wife, it is of course possible that I’d be expected to play a more active role, as part of my training perhaps? If that were the case I’d be more apprehensive than ever, keen as ever to learn the life skills required of me and at the same time nervous as to precisely how Mistress Carina might exploit the opportunity of there being a man available to her.

In fact the not knowing whether or not I would at some point become involved would increase my level of nervousness a thousand fold. If I knew that I would be I’d keep myself alert in anticipation of being summoned, if I knew that my role would be no more than helping the evening along then I might be slightly more relaxed… but not knowing?!

To answer Miss D’s original question more fully it’s only right that I also respond to her suggestion that I may ‘want him too’?

I would indeed Miss D... it would be wrong of me not to want to sieze every opportunity that presents itself to demonstrate to Mistress my total commitment to, my absolute devotion of and my infinite love for her.

Paris

With Mistress Carina's instruction that "in future post entries to your blog on time as if your life depends on it" firmly in my mind I find myself doing just that, albeit on my way home at 1 o'clock in the morning.

I've been away for the best part of three days and despite Mistress' insistence that I use the time to unwind and put 'work and us' to the back of my mind it came as no suprise at all that the latter proved impossible.

I did try and for periods I was able to lose myself and think only of me but not for any real length of time; an hour may have passed, slightly longer on occasions, irrespective it wasn't long before I'd be thinking of my beloved Mistress once again.

With so much time available to think and consider things clearly I've given thought to every last detail of our relationship during the last couple of days. I've looked back on events of the past and spent as least as much time looking into the future.

The conclusion I've reached, which again comes as no real suprise, is that I want the lifestyle that Mistress and I originally set out to achieve more now than I ever have.

My position as Mistress' wife is one that I've adapted to effortlessly, which of course reflects my willingness, need and desire to submit to her. Mistress Carina is well aware that from the moment she accepted me as her own, her property to use and enjoy as she wished, there's been a real sense of purpose in my life that's impossible to describe.

A sense of purpose that, coupled with the absolute trust I now have of my Mistress, enables me to communicate to her my deepest thoughts, desires and needs without fear of retribution of shame.

Mistress therefore knows a year or so on from the day we set out on this journey that I aspire to live a great deal more fully as her wife, have an intense nylon fetish, become immediately aroused when she uses terms such as 'darling' or 'sweetness' or addresses me as 'suzy' and that I experience very different emotions when dressed as her wife, maid or slut.

Mistress Carina is also fully aware that I'm naturally submissive to her and as such I'm as receptive to suggestion as I am to instruction, in some ways the former is the more powerful of the two.

By way of an example Mistress 'suggested' recently that I might be bisexual, her precise words were 'you know you are' and I've not stopped thinking about them for a minute since.

Whether I am or aren't bisexual though isn't really the issue, what's infinitely more important is that i'm receptive to the suggestion and prepared, which as Mistress' property I most definitely am, to explore this particular area of my sexuality.

A recurring fantasy from the moment this seed was first planted this seed has been Mistress Carina teaching, using a live subject naturally, her wife how first to get a cock nice and hard; followed by instructions in how to keep it that way for as long as possible before making it cum exactly when Mistress decides that it should.... before cleaning it up and like the good girl I am saying 'thank you'.

What I'm saying here is that Mistress insists that I'm totally honest and open with her and I am, as a result she not only understands me but also has the ability to control and to use me however, wherever and with whoever she might desire.

2:40am, my train journey's at an end and very soon now I'll be home, in service once again and with a renewed sense of purpose.

First and foremost I love Mistress Carina dearly, more than I've ever loved anyone.

Self Esteem

A week on and if I'm not mistaken Mistress Carina's self esteem and self confidence continue to grow.

It's so good to see, Mistress arrived back from what was a very succesful business trip yesterday afternoon beaming with confidence and looking very satisfied with herself, as indeed she had every right to be.

With another business meeting of sorts planned for tomorrow, which I'm sure will turn out just as well for her, when the working week comes to a close Mistress will be able to look back on a thoroughly enjoyable week during which her assertiveness has grown immeasurably.

On a personal note I felt lost at her being away overnight on Tuesday and missed her terribly, I did my best around the house in her absence but found it hard to keep motivated as I always seem able to do in her presence even if she does find it necessary to keep me on my toes from time to time.

It did cross my mind to ask Mistress' permission to explore her 'cupboard' while she was away but thought better of it, her knowing that i was even tempted to would have shown very poor self discipline on my part.

So in the event that Mistress asks if I was a good girl while she was away I'll once again be able to hold my head high and say yes.

Mistress Time

The more I’ve thought about what Mistress Carina said recently about it being the personal things that I should pay a lot more attention to I’ve done just that, I’m sure there’s still a long way for me to go but I have at least made a start.

While I’ve taken responsibility for all of Mistress’ future beauty and health appointments there have been few opportunities for me to undertake such things as brushing her hair, massaging her feet, applying her make up and equally few for Mistress to teach me any of the skills she’s determined I’m to learn.

That will change though I’m sure, in the meantime I can but do my best to come to terms with the frustration and seize the few opportunities that do arise.

I can also and will be doing all that I can to brush up on some of the skills I already possess, which explains why I could be found sewing in the early hours of last Saturday morning; I’ve not worked with a needle and thread for years but the one nightdress that I own was in need of repair so repair it I did.

I’ve though a great deal about what Mistress Carina said over the past couple of weeks and there’s another area that I believe to be of importance.

Mistress would benefit greatly from – and it’s up to me to ensure that she gets – periods of complete and utter solitude, time that is hers alone, that takes her away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life to another place entirely, somewhere that offers complete peace and relaxation with no risk whatsoever of disturbance……… Mistress Time.

An old saying springs to mind here, ‘there are no barriers, only bridges’ so no matter how difficult a task it might first have seemed I’ve stayed focused and the first of the bridges has already been crossed and Mistress Carina can look forward to enjoying Mistress Time a lot sooner than I’d first hoped.

A second consideration, which I accept is infinitely less important that Mistress’ comfort and well being is my own, something that with the benefit of hindsight I’ve neglected to the detriment of us both.

While I’ve not gathered my thoughts entirely in this area yet I won’t expand on it just now, suffice to say though that my own state of mind is a major factor affecting my service and as such isn’t one I can afford to ignore.

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder*

What a difference a few days make..... that was the subject header of Mistress Carina's last blog entry and while that was almost a year ago today those words still hold true.

While I was away from home visiting family at the weekend Mistress took the opportunity to converse with me throughout Saturday to make it abundantly clear that while she's reasonably satisfied with my task related performance my personal service to her has been pitiful.

The central theme from start to end was that if we're to progress this relationship Mistress Carina needs to feel good about herself and expects her wife to be constantly striving to do just that, to make her feel inwardly the goddess that she unquestionably is.

Mistress then highlighted various duties she already expects of me and which I've thus far failed to deliver and continued by detailing a number of additional skills that she's decided I'm to develop.

After a few intense hours Mistress Carina had reiterated her absolute authority over me and made it quite clear that by offering to brush or curl her hair, delivering a foot or body massage, painting her toes, applying her make up and becoming skilled in a whole host of other personal services I will make a significant and postive difference to how she feels about herself.

From that moment I vowed to work as hard and as long as necessary to learn every single thing that Mistress decrees will enable me to serve her more adequately, allow me to meet all of her expectations of me and fulfill my dream of becoming the perfect wife to her.

A wife that Mistress can be proud of, one who knows precisely what's required of her, one who possesses all the necessary skills associated with her duties, who conducts herself perfectly and respectfully in all company, is impeccably presented, always attentive and above all is a wife whose total commitment to her Mistress is so obviously her sole reason for living.

Mistress Carina told me on Sunday that "one day you'll be with me 24/7"..... I know I will, it's been decided for me.

Commitment

While I remain totally commited to the FLR that Mistress Carina and I set out to establish over a year ago now it's fair to say that after two weeks of deliberating, soul searching and doing everything possible to be the perfect wife I'm no nearer identifying the changes she seeks.

All along I've assumed that I should be focusing my thinking towards Mistress' needs and changes I could make that would make her life more pleasurable, a not unnatural response given her position as head of the household?

I've considered this particular area to such a degree that Mistress Carina might want to bring our FLR to a close has even entered my thoughts, as has the thought that she might wish to see it develop still further but with me taking a more active role in that respect although I'm not sure how that might translate in a practical sense?

Miss D has commented suggesting that Mistress Carina's change remark may actually have been made in relation to my own desires and that "She is speaking of your desires suzy? What is it that you want? There is something you want - She is telling you that you have to make the effort to have it - it's not going to be given to you - you have to earn it. What do you suppose that is suzy?".

Instinctively I hadn't considered this as being even a remote possibility; having thought long and hard it is of course possible and if true then I perhaps need to first understand myself better?

I'm not in any way adverse to the concept of earning anything that Mistress Carina may decide to bestow upon me, I took that as read from day one and have been in that mindset ever since; nor do I have any expectations of her, that's to say that I don't expect every or indeed any effort on my part to be rewarded.

When I first read my Mistress' words my immediate reaction was to look at what I do and don't do for her, how I conduct myself, the quality of my work and improvements that I could make, all task related thoughts focused towards improving Mistress Carina's quality of life.

What's clear to me now is that there are broader, non task related areas that need to be considered; should I adopt a more pro-active approach and relieve Mistress of some of the decision making I know that she can find particularly tiring?

This could though be very dangerous territory, how might Mistress react if I were for example to make an appointment with her hairdresser without being asked to, present myself to her one weekend evening fully dressed and made up as her maid and ready to serve or find a retreat where we could live/work openly as Mistress and wife for a day or two and simply ask her to let me know her preference for dates, everything other detail having already been taken care of?

Hm?